A series of tiktok vignettes from the metro

In news that is likely to surprise nobody, china loves tiktok, or douyin as the domestic edition of the world famous app is called. But in a move that will definitely surprise some people, the majority of chinese users are not using tiktok to brush up on their mathematics skills, learn to program, or read classic works of literature; no, just like tiktok users the world over, the are using it to watch brainrot content and beautiful ladies dancing.

I’m not sure where the idea that brainrot was this huge conspiracy and chinese tiktok only had educational videos came from; last i checked, you can download the douyin apk and have a look at what’s on there yourself, and despite everyone speaking chinese, the general vibe of the content is pretty much identical to the international edition (which admittedly i’ve never used). Anyway, every time i take the metro, at least half of the other passengers are watching stuff, and sometimes i like to sneak a look. Here are some of the interesting things i’ve seen.

A middle-aged man exclusively watching videos of demolitions. He would watch each one in full, two or three times, before swiping to the next video. He shared about half of the videos with various people. I like to imagine a group of demolition enthusiasts all trying to find the most destructive demolitions to send to one another.

A young woman’s quickly swiping through videos of news reporting for the videos of women in swimsuits dancing on the beach. These videos seemed to come up every fifth to tenth swipe. She would watch these a few times and read the comments, but not like or share.

A young woman watching a video of a doctor doing something to an ingrown toenail. I don’t have any more details, because i stopped looking as quickly as possible. Serves me right for spying on people.

A young man watching a pretty long video in which a man dressed in tudor clothing kept pulling things out of his pantaloons, including a pocket watch, a pepper shaker, a string of onions, a lute, and a large book. I’m not sure whether this was documentary, magic, comedy, or a bit of all three. This man noticed me watching and opened his email, which he stared at without reading anything until i looked away.

An old man watching some computer-generated videos of cubes falling from the sky and landing on top of other cubes. And some computer generated videos of cubes being sliced up. And some computer generated videos of cubes bouncing around the screen. It looked like they were made of jelly.

An old man watching someone else play subway surfers.

A middle-aged woman watching a handsome young man dressed like a 1920s man-about-town. I cannot hear the music, but i imagine it to be upbeat and electronic. The camera does a fast-paced swish to bring his pose into the frame, and then another swish and he’s in a new pose.

A young man watching craftsmen cut gold leaf by hand. Video after video of people doing the same delicate thing.

A young man watching speed-backflipping competitions. The contestants take it in turns to backflip without stopping for a minute straight. These videos all seem to have over a million likes.

A young woman watching a compilation of clips of James Bond lighting a cigarette. He is saying something, but i can’t lip read and she has headphones, and having never seen a James Bond film all the way through my only guess is that he’s saying “Bond, James Bond”.

A middle-aged woman watching a young, presumably american woman showing off her designer handbag collection. The next video is another young, presumably american woman showing off her designer handbag collection. So is the next one.

An old man watching an old man sing classic chinese songs. He has his speaker on full volume, but this time i don’t mind too much, because he is watching the whole song in full, so it’s just like having a backing soundtrack.